The Real Captain Pew
by Phox
Summary: The Real Slim Shady, SC-style


May I have your attention, please?  
May I have your attention, please?  
Will the real Captain Pew please stand up?  
I repeat:  
Will the real Captain Pew please stand up?  
We're gonna have a problem here...  
  
Y'all act like you've never seen a siege tank before  
Marines all on the floor  
Zerglings running in, bursting the doors  
More zerglings getting their ass kicked worst than before  
Thinking they can settle the little score with the medic whore  
It's the return of the "Oh no, wait, you're kidding.  
He didn't kill who I think he did, did he?"  
And Shadow says...  
Nothing, you idiots!  
Shadow's dead!   
He's locked in my bunker!  
Terran women love Captain Pew  
Shimber me timbers Captain Pew  
I'm sick of you  
Look at you!  
Walking around  
Making the you know what  
Blowing up you know who  
Yeah, but he's so rugged though  
Yeah, I probably got a couple of zergs up in my head loose  
But it's not worst than that infested Terran there sipping juice  
Sometimes, I just wanna hurt those fucking zerglings  
You know, stuff like stop the queen from binging and purging  
My bum is on yer lisk  
My bum is on yer lisk  
And if I'm lucky you just might give it a little kiss  
Hear little Terrans talking about a kiss  
And expect them not to know what a medic's clitoris is  
Of course they're gonna know what sexual intercouse is!  
By the time they hit 2nd grade  
They have the medic's channel, don't they?  
We ain't nothing but animals  
Well, zergs are cannibals  
Who cut other zergs open like cantelopes  
But if we can hump dead cannibals and cantelopes  
Then there's no reason why a zerg and a terran can't elope  
But if you feel like I feel about those animals  
Ghosts, get yer lockdown guns  
Captain Pew's gonna kick some buns!  
  
I'm Captain Pew  
Yes, I'm the real Pew  
I'm the only Captain Pew that ownz all of you  
So won't the real Captain Pew please float up  
Please float up  
Please float up  
  
Cause I'm Captain Pew  
Yes, I'm the real Pew  
I'm the only Captain Pew that ownz all of you  
So won't the real Captain Pew please float up  
Please float up  
Please float up  
  
Crusher doesn't have to rush to win his games  
But I do, so fuck you, him, and his fame  
You think I give a damn about some stupid award?  
I only play SC because I'm always fucking bored  
But Pew, what if you win? Wouldn't it be weird?  
Why? So you can just lie to get me here?  
So you can get me here to sit next to Aivap, who's in tears?  
Crying about something that hasn't happened in years?  
CC better switch me chairs  
So I can sit next to Motaro and Heartcutter  
And here them argue about killing each other  
Put me back on SCV Network, freak  
Yeah, he's cute, and I heard he likes to flirt, hee hee  
I'm sick of you zerg players  
All you do is screw stuff up that was started by man  
So I sent my siege tanks here to destroy you  
And there's a million of us just like me  
Who fight like me  
Annihilate zergs like me  
Just don't give a fuck like me  
Walk, back talk, and act like me  
It could be the next Captain Pew  
But it's just you  
  
I'm Captain Pew  
Yes, I'm the real Pew  
I'm the only Captain Pew that ownz all of you  
So won't the real Captain Pew please float up  
Please float up  
Please float up  
  
Cause I'm Captain Pew  
Yes, I'm the real Pew  
I'm the only Captain Pew that ownz all of you  
So won't the real Captain Pew please float up  
Please float up  
Please float up  
  
I'm like a bag of M&Ms  
But instead of melting in your mouth, you taste me and say "God Damn!"  
You joke with your friends about the units I make  
But I'm the only one with the balls to make them, standing tall  
And I don't have to be lying about this in front of y'all  
I just get my SCVs to make it  
And whether you like to admit it  
I just rush better than 90% of you SC players out there  
Then you wonder how kids can eat up your queens  
Like chicken wings  
It's funny, cause when I'm 114   
I'll be the only person in the medic home murdering  
Pinchin' medics' asses when I'm jackin off with jergen's   
And I'm jerkin' but my Stim Pack isn't working   
In every single person there's a Captain Pew lurking  
He could be workin at Burger Queen  
Spittin on your fries and things  
Or in a siege tank, circling, screamin' "I dont give a fuck!"  
With his windows down and his siege mode off  
So will the real Captain Pew please float up  
And raise 1 of those arms on your coat up  
and be proud to be outta your mind and outta control   
and 1 more time, loud as you can, how does it go?   
  
I'm Captain Pew  
Yes, I'm the real Pew  
I'm the only Captain Pew that ownz all of you  
So won't the real Captain Pew please float up  
Please float up  
Please float up  
  
Cause I'm Captain Pew  
Yes, I'm the real Pew  
I'm the only Captain Pew that ownz all of you  
So won't the real Captain Pew please float up  
Please float up  
Please float up  
  
I'm Captain Pew  
Yes, I'm the real Pew  
I'm the only Captain Pew that ownz all of you  
So won't the real Captain Pew please float up  
Please float up  
Please float up  
  
Cause I'm Captain Pew  
Yes, I'm the real Pew  
I'm the only Captain Pew that ownz all of you  
So won't the real Captain Pew please float up  
Please float up  
Please float up 


End file.
